when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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