You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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