Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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