You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dear god my vagina.
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