Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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