sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize