dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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