his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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