its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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