Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
