oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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