call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
