i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
