You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
