then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
