so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
