Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
