She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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