oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
