we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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