I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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