Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
