So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
