I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
