time to smoke my breakfast
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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