gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
