how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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