Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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