we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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