he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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