You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
