it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize