mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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