I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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