I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
