Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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