I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
