it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she woke up with a sticky ear
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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