omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry my hands just texted you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
