omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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