respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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