I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
