Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
