Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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