Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
