I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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