Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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