I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
