I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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