just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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