I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
