I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
