you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Is it because I queefed?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
