my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
