For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize