he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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