3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
