There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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