I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
