I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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