Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
