Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
