I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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