I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
love makes seman taste better
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
