ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
