I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
