I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
