And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
