feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
you made out with another girl for some wings
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize