I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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