summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
