Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
