I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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