how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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