So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am midnight drunk by noon
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
